I recently read an article about a woman who discovered later in life that she not only had been adopted, but had been found as an infant, abandoned and sunburned in some bushes near a business complex.
Thanks to DNA, she identified and located two biological half siblings. Both siblings have welcomed her with open arms and were thrilled to learn of her existence.
Something one of the biological siblings said struck a major chord with me. “I felt like, I don’t know what she’s been through, but I heard her story and I just didn’t want her to feel rejected by me.” To this, the woman responded, “That means a lot because I’ve been rejected most of my life.”
This is tough for me to write because my own son is adopted, but many adoptees feel a sense of rejection from their biological parents. My son was only four years old when he asked me why his biological mom didn’t keep him.
I do everything in my power to ensure my son knows he is loved, chosen, treasured, and placed in our family for a reason. It is my mission to raise a young man who stands firm in the knowledge that he is ours, regardless of how he came to us. But he still may face feelings of rejection that stem from his adoption. It’s a very natural emotion for adoptees to feel.
So it hit home when I read the article that so poignantly addressed an adoptee’s feelings of rejection. Her half sister could have just as easily shut the door in the adoptee’s face. She could have refused to acknowledge her existence. She could have compounded her adopted half sister’s feelings of rejection by, well, rejecting her.
It takes a lot of courage for an adoptee to pick up the phone or send me an email, asking me to search for their biological family. They are paying me money and placing themselves on an emotional roller coaster when they have no idea what might happen as a result of a search.
There are so many possible outcomes for an adoption search. Ultimately, for most clients, one of the hardest potential outcomes to consider is the risk of being rejected. I would venture to say that there are many, many adoptees out there who have never pulled the trigger on a search simply because they aren’t willing to risk rejection.
I can’t blame them.
But I can ask any of you who are reading this article to heavily consider your own reaction should a biological relative ever seek you out. I think this is the perfect response… “I felt like, I don’t know what she’s been through, but I heard her story and I just didn’t want her to feel rejected by me.”