Dear Birth Mom,

A few weeks ago, it was National Birth Mother’s Day. It happens every year, the day before Mother’s Day.

Around the same time, I was asked to write a letter to a birth mother for a birth mom retreat. The birth mothers in attendance ranged from a few months to 31 years in regards to the length of time that has passed since the placement of their children.

As most of my readers know, I am an adoptive mom.

I write regular letters to my son’s birth mom so she can still be a part of his life in some way. I want her to share in my joys because I really do see them more as our joys. After all, I wouldn’t be a mother without her.

In being asked to write a letter to a birth mother who is unknown to me, I considered the fact that not every birth mother receives regular updates about the child she placed for adoption. Not all birth moms have that luxury. Some of them place their child into another woman’s arms and never hear from them again. No updates. No photos. Nothing.

That would be so hard.

So I wrote my letter, knowing it might be the only one they ever receive from an adoptive mother:


Dear Birth Mom,

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances, know this. Without you, I would not be a mother. Without you, I would never know the depth of love, joy, and fulfillment that I know today.

My husband and I tried to conceive a biological child, but God had something different in store for us. Something so much better.

I feel like we adoptive moms somehow have an even greater sense of wonder about our children when they are entrusted to us by another mother, by you. I am daily so incredibly grateful to our son’s birth mother for choosing life for our child and for choosing us to be his parents.

Our son is my greatest joy. Because of him, all other non essential things in this life have simply and easily been swept aside to make room for the crazy amount of love, responsibility, patience, and happiness we have for him.

I know there are a myriad of reasons birth mothers choose to relinquish their children to adoptive parents. Many of the reasons are wrapped up in a lot of pain and suffering, but thankfully for me and others like me, the reasons are also covered in an abundance of grace, mercy, blind trust, and an incredible amount of love.

I used to think birth mothers were simply a means to an end. Shame on me. Until we adopted our son, I never knew the strength, courage, and bravery of birth moms. I never pictured a life after our son’s birth that included his birth mom. But now, I can’t imagine his life or ours without her in it.

I’ve expressed my continual gratitude to our son’s birth mom. But I also look forward to the day when our son can express his own thanks to her. 

Sometimes I imagine what our son’s life would be like if she would have kept him. And I get so sad because he wouldn’t have a father. Every time I see my husband tickling our son, wrestling with him in the floor, kissing him all over his head, reading him a book before bed, showing him how to catch a fish, playing catch in the yard, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that our son has a father who loves him so unconditionally. He has a father who is present every single         day. He has an outstanding role model who will be there every step of the way to model the endearing qualities of a good, solid husband and father.

I give such love to our son every day and we have wonderful times together, but there is nothing quite like our son’s face lighting up and his jumps for joy when his dad walks through the door after work every day.

So to you, birth mom, I am in awe of your selflessness. I am blown away by your leap of faith in placing your child into someone else’s arms. I am with you in the shedding of your tears and heartache. I think of you a lot more often than you know.

Because you made me a mother. The one thing in my life that means the very most to me, it all happened and was made possible by YOU. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of adoptive moms everywhere. Your gift lives in me every moment of every day.

May God bless you richly and care for you all the days of your life.

                                                                                               With Love,
                                                                                               A grateful adoptive mom


It is also because of my son’s adoption that I chose to become a private investigator. I offer several different services to my clients, but my favorite? You betcha. Adoption searches.

So to all birth moms everywhere… thank you for your sacrifice and selflessness. This private investigator mom is forever changed because of you.