I have always been a fan of reading, writing, spelling, and history. They come easily for me. But from the time I received my first science lesson in elementary school, it may as well be a foreign language. I don’t like it. I don’t understand it. I memorized what I had to memorize to get the grade, but that’s it. In one ear and out the other.
Even in college, I avoided all science classes for as long as I could. I finally dragged myself into Biology 101 as a junior. Rather, my boyfriend dragged me. He was my polar opposite, a lover of all things science, so I figured he could help get me through it.
He did. I outscored him on every test. I only throw that in to see if my husband ever reads this blog post. He was the boyfriend.
In college, while deciding what to do with my life, I knew one thing for sure. I could cross out any and all careers that had any connection whatsoever to science. No question.
Joke’s on me. Here I sit, over 20 years later, in my dream job of dream jobs… with a little science sprinkled in there.
I identify and locate birth parents for adoptees. And in so many of my cases, I use DNA to put the pieces together. I could probably make the case that of all the science branches out there, genetics is the least “sciencsy”.
When I first start discussing with a client the possibility of using their DNA to discover the identities of their birth parents, I’m sometimes met with skepticism our just flat-out misunderstanding.
These are some of the statements I hear regularly:
“Doesn’t that mean my birth mother or birth father have to be registered too?”
“I’ve already registered and I only have distant cousin matches. That doesn’t exactly help.”
“I’ve been there, done that and it was a dead end. Nobody responded to my messages.”
“Am I putting my DNA into some kind of law enforcement database?”
“I registered my DNA years ago, so I’ll have to do it again.”
Hint: None of the above statements are true.
Firstly, once you register your DNA with a company, it’s registered. Your DNA doesn’t change, so there is no need to register twice with the same company. However, there is a case to be made for registering with more than one database provider. Have you ever heard the adage, “It doesn’t hurt to fish in more than one pond?”
None of these DNA databases - Ancestry, 23andMe, MyHeritage, FamilyTreeDNA, LivingDNA, GEDMatch, etc. is a law enforcement database. The FBI’s DNA database is called CODIS and it is used specifically for convicted offenders, unsolved crime scene evidence, and missing persons. The only way some of these other public DNA databases is ever used for law enforcement purposes is if you opt in to that feature.
As far as nobody responding to messages within these database messaging platforms, this is common for users who rarely, if ever, sign into their profile. It’s common for a user to register their DNA, take an initial look into their ethnicity estimates and matches, then never sign in again. But there are many users who do sign in regularly. And there are also other methods for contacting many of those DNA matches who never even sign into their account and read their messages. So this is certainly not a dead end.
Birth mothers and birth fathers, as well as other close biological family members (siblings, 1st cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents), don’t have to be registered. The identities of your birth parents and other close family members can be discovered solely through distant DNA matches (2nd, 3rd, 4th cousins and beyond). It is not only possible, but it happens all the time.
You don’t have to understand the science behind it. You just have to trust it. DNA doesn’t lie. That’s the real beauty in it. It is far more reliable than family stories, fuzzy memories, and even written records.
So if you’re considering registering your DNA to try and identify your birth parents, do it. And then don’t discount the results, whatever they may be. Find a genealogist or private investigator who knows their stuff and who can guide you to the answer. Because the answer is there.