There is nothing more satisfying to an adoptee than the moment they first get their hands on their adoption papers to finally uncover some truths about their biological parentage.
In many cases, years of waiting and searching boil down to this single, exciting moment of revelation.
Unfortunately, many adoptees don’t realize their search has often only begun with the discovery of their adoption papers. This is the case when their discovery poses more questions than answers.
Here’s why.
Information found in adoption records is hardly gospel truth. In fact, adoption records are often riddled with misinformation, misspellings, and even downright lies.
The biological father listed on a birth certificate could be a completely fictional name that links to no real person. Even more disheartening and confusing, the biological father listed in paperwork could, in fact, exist, but is not the true biological father.
A biological mother may have listed her first name correctly on an original birth certificate, but decided to use her mother’s maiden name or a friend’s surname instead.
The spelling of biological parents’ names might be completely wrong. Their ages can be off by 5-10 years or even more. The identity of a birth father is oftentimes simply blank.
This can be maddening and extremely disheartening for any adoptee.
So what happens when information in adoption records can be obtained but all roads seem to lead to the same place, nowhere?
Here’s some advice from a private investigator who specializes in adoption searches.
Manage Your Expectations
Most things in life don’t come easy. Repeat this mantra before you begin your search. Lofty expectations are rarely fulfilled. It’s best to expect some roadblocks along the way so you’re not completely taken aback and devastated when you run into problems.
Don’t expect every piece of information on your original birth certificate to be the truth. Don’t expect that it’s going to be a breeze locating your birth mother and birth father.
Consider Context
Consider the time period in which you were born. Was it during a time when adoption was a hushed topic no one talked about? Could there have been shame surrounding your birth? If your birth mother was very young and your birth father was much older (and even perhaps a married man), could your birth mother have lied about her age? Lied about the identity of the birth father?
Think about the different circumstances that could have surrounded your birth and how those circumstances might have affected your birth mother and birth father and their decision-making process during that time - loss, embarrassment, grief, confusion, misunderstanding, shame, trauma.
When you can better and more fully consider the context of a situation, it often opens your eyes to their point of view and helps to take a more objective look at the information in front of you.
Verify or Rule Out Your Findings
Whatever you do find in your adoption papers, don’t automatically count on it all to be fully true.
Take each piece of information and either verify it or rule it out. Start digging into other resources that might give you more information about their identity, family, where they lived, where they went to school, etc.
If you’re not familiar with how to take these steps, reach out to me or someone else who is qualified to give you sound advice on what to do next.
Use Other Sources To Narrow Your Search
If you haven’t considered registering your DNA with a top database provider (or even more than one), consider it! This is just another method for verifying and ruling out information in your adoption paperwork.
Use everything you have at your fingertips to uncover tidbits about your biological family - obituaries, newspaper articles, church records, social media, old yearbooks, marriage and divorce records, etc.
Don’t Give Up
If you reach a dead end, go back and rework your search. There are always other angles to consider. Ask for help from friends, family, or even a professional. The truth is there. The answers are there. Whatever you do, do not give up.