My fear of spiders began at five years old when carefree play ended with a swollen, aching, spider-bitten lip.
It was the 1980s when flying down the steepest hill with hands high in the air instead of on the handlebars of our bikes was the norm. And bike helmets were a thing of the future, along with knee pads, elbow pads, and gloves.
It’s a wonder my knees and elbows aren’t slick and thickened with scar tissue as an adult.
Family vacations every summer included piling four kids on top of each other and luggage in the back of a station wagon for two weeks of driving cross country to see the sights. Seatbelts, let alone carseats, weren’t even considered.
We are all still somehow alive and well.
One unfortunate day in 1985, as my kid neighbor and I were talking through the top hollow tube of her swing set, we unwittingly awakened a large spider from the darkness that decided its best escape route was out my end of the tube. It latched onto my lip with an alarming sting that spread across my face within seconds. I flung it off my face and jetted down the slide to the back door of my neighbor’s house within seconds. She ran me over to my own house where my mom called the doctor. I sat in agony on my neighbor’s lap for probably two hours. I could barely talk because my bottom lip was so swollen.
See for yourself.
From that point forward, I steered clear of spiders altogether. Or I at least tried.
Several years later, as a teenager, I was staying in a cabin in the mountains with my family on one of our many seatbelt-less driving vacations when a spot on my stomach began to streak poison into my veins. What I thought was a mosquito bite ended up being another spider bite. An entire day of vacation was wasted getting me to the nearest clinic before the spider’s poison reached my heart.
This is how bad it got. If I found a spider crawling in the house, that spot and the area around it was secretly deemed “contaminated” for months. I avoided it like the plague.
Until one day at age 18 when my then-boyfriend/now-husband, caught a tarantula in the Missouri woods where we lived. I was mortified when he took it home as a pet. But I wasn’t one to show fear, so when he asked me if I wanted to hold it, I decided this was my moment.
I held the nasty thing.
I still don’t love spiders, but something changed inside me the day I faced my fear and held a spider.
Fast forward many years to 2019. This time, it was a more serious fear that became a reality. I was told I had breast cancer at age 39.
I could either lay down and give up or I could face it. I had a strong desire to live (still do), so I faced it. Cancer is a test in endurance. How did I do it? Nothing grand or earth-shattering. I simply took it one day at a time and just kept going until I was through it.
Here I am in the midst of chemo, sporting some killer henna on the old bald head.
Author Betty Bender said, “Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile… initially scared me to death.”
As a child, spiders scared me. And for good reason. We don’t have a good track record, spiders and me.
As an adult, who doesn’t fear horrible diseases like cancer? The fear that grips your heart when a doctor says, “It doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look good at all.” Fear warranted.
But my recent battle with cancer, all that I endured, all that I faced… was more than worthwhile. It changed my life for the better. It initially scared me to death. But, oh, the changed person I am today because of it.
We all have fears. We ALL have fears. Aside from the big, whopping fear of death, I’d venture to say that most fears stem from the fear of failure.
I want to start my own business. What if I fail and have to close up shop?
I want to get married. What if I fail and it ends in divorce?
I want to be a mother, have children. But what if I fail and my kids become delinquents?
I want to search for my birthparents, but what if my search ends in disappointment and regret?
I want to reconcile a relationship, make things right while there’s still time. What if I fail and it’s a complete disaster?
Fear is a very real thing. But it’s not the worst thing. Inaction is the worst thing.
Sometimes, even if all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep trucking, that’s all it takes. Chaos surrounds us in this world. Especially now. Don’t let fear paralyze you. Keep moving and pivot if that’s your only way forward.
Don’t rob yourself of some of the richest blessings you will ever know, for fear of the unknown. You will miss out on so much.