When an individual first contacts me and expresses interest in identifying one or both of their birth parents, I start by providing a free initial consultation. I’m going to walk you through every step I take during that consultation.
Some of my first questions to a prospective client are these:
What is your birth date?
In what state were you born/adopted?
Do you know if your adoption was facilitated through an attorney or an agency?
What information, if any, do you have about your birth parents and where did that information come from?
Every state handles birth and adoption records differently for persons who have been adopted. Some states are completely restrictive. Others are somewhat restrictive. And, as a surprise to many, some states are not restrictive at all. Weirdly, some states have one set of rules for adopted persons who were born during specific years while a different set of rules apply for those born in other years.
Many clients are surprised to learn that even though they might have checked with their state a few years ago, it has since loosened its restrictions. States are ever-evolving in their handling of adoption records and adoption laws. So even if you’ve checked before, check again.
A lot of clients don’t realize they might be able to apply for a copy of their original birth certificate. Many adoptees don’t even know they have two different birth certificates. The original is issued first and contains the name of your birth mother. Occasionally, the birth father is listed, but that is uncommon. The original often also includes the birth mother’s address or at least her town/city of residence at the time of your birth. Other clues to her identity are often included as well. Most of the time, if a state allows access to the original, you can apply with your state’s Department of Health. This is something you can find online.
Typically, you have to fill out an application that includes everything you know about your birth and adoption. Some of these applications must be notarized and some must be accompanied by a fee. Again, every state is different.
Your amended birth certificate includes the names of your adopted parents and their information. This is the one that is issued to your adopted parents and the one you likely currently have stored away somewhere. Your amended birth certificate will not be labeled “amended.” It will look like anyone else’s birth certificate.
So as a first step to anyone who contacts me, I tell them to check with the state where they were adopted to see if they can get their hands on their original birth certificate. (Google “original birth certificate STATE NAME adopted”). If you were adopted out of a state where the original birth certificate remains sealed, you still might have some options…
The state might provide “non-identifying” information to you about your birth parents. This paperwork might not name your birth parents, but it will give loads of social information about them, clues you can absolutely use in conjunction with some other options available to you.
Your other option in a closed state is to use legal means to try and get your original birth certificate unsealed. I’ve seen this be successful for adopted persons who are having health issues and want to unseal their closed records for medical purposes. This is not guaranteed, but might be your foot in the door.
The state might also have a program in place in which their representative will attempt to contact your birth parent(s), then report back to you whether or not your birth parents gives their permission to be put in touch with you.
Additionally, some states have reunion registries where you can register your information and if the registry thinks they have matched you to your corresponding birth parent, they will connect the two of you.
Next, if you know whether or not your adopted parents used an attorney or went through an agency for your adoption, you can follow other potential avenues to get information. You can always try contacting the attorney if they are still practicing, to see if they have still-existing old records. Or you can try contacting the agency if it still exists. If it doesn’t, the records might still exist somewhere. Agencies are often willing to at least release non-identifying information to you as an adopted person.
If you are able to complete any of the aforementioned steps and get your hands on your original birth certificate and/or non-identifying information, this is what I recommend you do first to kick off your search. It might take weeks or even months to get the information you’re seeking, so this might mean you have to pause your progress until you get your hands on this information. But go ahead and take this step as soon as possible.
If you were born in a state that remains fully restrictive with adoption records, you still have options available to you. If the attorney or agency is also unwilling to provide you with any information or if this is a dead-end, don’t throw in the towel yet. You have another option.
Have you ever heard of Ancestry, 23andMe, FamilyTreeDNA, MyHeritage, or GEDMatch? All of these are companies that work with DNA that can assist you in your search to identify biological family members. Some people are hesitant to register their DNA with any of these companies for privacy or other reasons. But there are steps you can take to keep your identity private. And most of these companies will destroy your DNA sample and delete your online profile upon your request. So once you’ve extracted the information you need, you can delete and destroy it.
It’s at least worth having a conversation about and educating yourself on how it works. DNA has enabled thousands of adopted persons to identify their birth parents and other biological family members, people who had no other option and never would have been able to find answers with any other method.
Some mistakenly think their birth parents have to have registered their own DNA in order to be “matched” with them. This is not the case. I’ve worked plenty of cases in which my client has had only distant cousin matches and we have been successful in identifying their birth parents.
So you have a few options in front of you:
Do nothing.
Start your own investigating and research whether or not you can get your hands on your original birth certificate and/or non-identifying information about your birth parents.
Register your DNA (my personal recommendation if you’re going to choose just one is ancestry.com).
Take my online course for $155 that takes you further in depth into this process and completing it by yourself - https://pieducation.com/product/finding-birth-parents-for-adoptees-donor-conceived-and-npes-7-ce-hrs/.
Contact me via a phone call or email to set up a free consultation (it’s just a consultation, not a commitment) or if you have follow-up questions that haven’t been answered in this blog post. I’m here to help and I’m happy to help.