The Tragedy of Misidentifying Birth Parents

I’ve recently worked a case in which a biological parent was misidentified to a client of mine before they hired me. This is not the first client who has come to me with misinformation that has previously been given to them.

It’s a tragedy, but happens more often than you would expect.

The first of these cases I took on several years ago was one in which my client had hired a private investigator to identify his adopted daughter’s biological mother. The private investigator got the right name but the wrong individual. It was a nightmare for everyone.

This client was hesitant to hire me, but also wanted to find answers. The correct answers. I got everything ironed out for him and was able to find the correct birth mother. Right name. Right person. It was a good lesson for me early on in my career to always use extreme caution and multiple methods of verification before accidentally passing misinformation onto a client.

My most recent case involved a client whose own biological mother had given her the name of her biological father ten years prior to her hiring me. My client said she just wanted to know more about who her biological father was without having to ask her mother who was always hesitant to say much about him. She felt unsettled about all of it and just wanted to know the truth.

After some digging, I discovered that the name her mother had given her was incorrect. I identified her true biological father through irrefutable DNA. It took my client awhile to wrap her head around the fact that the name her mother had given her was wrong. She had spent years researching this man and his family only to discover he wasn’t her biological father after all.

Because of her mother’s desire for privacy, my client made the decision to keep this newfound knowledge to herself. Unless she decides to confront her mother, she will never know why her mom gave her the wrong name. Perhaps she slept with both men around the same time. Perhaps she gave her daughter the wrong name on purpose for an unknown reason. Maybe there is some trauma related to her daughter’s conception and that’s why she is so uncomfortable addressing it.

On many occasions, I’ve run into wrong information in official documents and records as I’ve searched for a birth parent or adoptee. A birth father listed on a birth certificate is wrong. The age of a birth mother when she gave birth is way off. Someone is alive who was recorded dead or visa versa. Adoption agency records are falsified.

I’ve identified birth parents who won’t admit their parentage to my client even when faced with irrefutable evidence.

Adoption searches are complicated and can be very difficult. But the truth is always there. Sometimes, it’s buried quite deep. But it’s there.

If something doesn’t sit right with you, do some digging or find someone who can do the digging for you. There’s probably a reason you’re unsettled. As you can see, you wouldn’t be the first.